no, not the city, the state

I am from a very small town in upstate New York. For those of you not from New York, "upstate" means everything that's not NYC... so basically the whole state. I've provided some helpful images to make this clearer. But somehow, even though NYC is only 3% of the square mileage of New York state, somehow whenever I say I'm from New York, it is most often assumed I am from the city. It's probably because I look like I'm from the city slums or like I'm part of a gang. Or because of my obnoxious New York City accent. Or because I'm always in a rush and I'm snobby and think I'm better than everyone else. Or because I think New York is better than every other state.

Yes I just spouted out a ton of stereotypes. No, I am not any of them. Also, in the ONE time I've been to the city, I did not find any of these stereotypes to be the case. I did see a rat though. Just sayin.

Then again, I am kind of snobby when it comes to pizza. New York pizza is the best. No question. I dare you to disagree with me.

Anyway. No I'm not from the city, but somehow, people think I am. Here's how a typical conversation usually goes:

NYC lover #1: where are you from?
Me: upstate New York
NYC lover #!: Oh I love it there! I went to Times Square last year! NYC is awesome.
Me: ...yeah I bet it was cool. I'm not from the city. I'm from a tiny town surrounded by dairy farms...
NYC lover #2: oh...

Or...

NYC lover #2: where are you from?
Me: upstate New York
NYC lover #2: Oh I've been there loads of times! I saw The Lion King on Broadway last year!
Me: cool. I've only been to NYC once.
NYC lover #2: wait... what?

Or...

Empathetic NY "expert": where are you from?
Me: upstate New York
Empathetic NY "expert": Oh... I bet Provo is way too small for a city slicker like you. It must be hard being away from the city.
Me: If by too small you mean I find it slightly suffocating and wish I could walk down the street and see some cows, then yes... it is way too small. I'm glad you understand.

For those of you who did not know, New York is not one giant city. Just thought I'd make that clear.

Then there's those who have been upstate or have a distant cousin who's hairdresser lived in Rochester or something. They always ask "oh what part of New York are you from?". This is a difficult question to answer as you only have a few seconds to assess the questioner's knowledge of places in upstate New York. I am terrible at choosing the most understandable description of my town but I have an arsenal of options that I usually spew out at the unsuspecting questioner hoping one hits something that sounds familiar to them. Usually I stutter an "uhh, um... how much do you know about New York?" then I cycle through the following:

"It's near Binghamton... and Ithaca.... and Elmira.... sort of... you know, like where the Express was set?"
"It's right on the border of Pennsylvania and the Susquehanna river"
"It's like 2 hours south of (choose one of the following: Rochester, Palmyra, Buffalo, Syracuse, etc)
"It's like 4 hours from the city"
"There's a nudist colony like 40 minutes away"
"If you find yourself in a flood zone, you're pretty much there"
"It's literally 10 minutes away from the coolest small town in America. It's a legitimate title."
"It's southeast of the finger lakes"
"Yeah... It's a really small town... you've probably never heard of it"

My favorite is when people ask what the name of my hometown is, to which I reply:

"It's called Nichols. It used to be called Dimes but then the recession hit"

Bahahaha. Yes. I do make this joke.

At any rate, upstate New York is awesome. Here's about 1% of the reasons why:

1. Spiedies
2. The best pizza in the world
3. The best wings in the world
4. The best apples
5. The Adirondack mountains, which is the largest protected park in the United States. Take that, Yellowstone
6. It is the second cloudiest part of the country. And I love clouds.
7. Awesome sunsets
8. Rolling hills covered in trees that are amazing in the fall.
9. A hill about 5 minutes away from my house is "famous" because it almost literally doesn't get any sunlight on one side so this very rare form of lichen grows on it. Cool right?
10. You can find trilobite fossils everywhere! the geography is so old!
11. The New York State Fair. There's always a butter sculpture. A SCULPTURE made of BUTTER.
12. My dog is there. My dog is the best.
13. Niagra Falls
14. The New York Mets
15. Rye bread
16. The Erie Canal
17. Jimmer Fredette
18. Mark Twain
19. It's a Wonderful Life
20: Fireflies

I could keep going but I don't want to overwhelm everyone with the pure awesomeness of New York. It can be pretty hard to handle. Because my state could definitely beat up your state. With it's eyes closed using only one finger lake.You just wish you had a New York state of mind. Where was my state last night? At your mom's house. My state is just that awesome. Your state just wishes it was as popular as mine.

Ok, so maybe one of the NYC stereotypes is true. I just can't help that I'm from the best state ever...