I swam in this lake

I swam in this lake. On top of a mountain. 

Life is damn good. Life is so damn good.

Do you ever have those moments where you just feel so alive, you can’t quite be contained? Like the air is filled with electricity and every breathe is just this call to go and do and belong to something? Like nothing can stop you, like anything you want is at your fingertips, like where you are is exactly where you need to be? Like even though things aren’t exactly what you thought they would be, they are perfect and beautiful and vibrant and fill your whole being with purpose and acceptance…

I know I write about a lot of more difficult topics and maybe it seems that I focus on the negative too much, but there is a reason for that focus. I believe that finding those truly pure, beautiful moments in life requires an acceptance of it’s exact opposite. Not only an acceptance, but a willingness to throw oneself into the possibility that the situation might turn out either way and there’s no way to control the outcome. Difficult situations are important. And wonderful, pleasing moments are important too. But you can’t have one without the possibility of the other..

I don’t want to run away from painful things because I don’t want to run away from wonderful things. I don’t want a dichotomy in my life that isn’t real. Because it all can be beautiful and I don’t ever want to limit myself or deny myself the possibility of feeling and experiencing what life throws at me. Or what I throw myself into. Life is too short for me to live like that.

The two times I’ve climbed Mount Timpanogos, this concept has been very clear to me. And it was clear to me as I crossed the finish line of my first 100 mile bike ride. And after I finished biking up Squaw Peak. And as I’ve sat in silence with people I love. After I’ve spoken my mind even though I could lose everything. After I’ve sincerely been with another person as they’ve shared some of the toughest things they’ve been through. After I’ve asked for forgiveness. After I’ve granted forgiveness. After I’ve said I love you. After I’ve lost and after I’ve won… I just feel so… full. So vibrant. So confident. So at one with everything around me, to the point where it’s not about me at all, yet I am completely me. Like I am exactly where I want to be and it’s perfectly ok to be where I am. Part of the innermost magnificence of our existence. Part of the ultimate heart of hearts.

And in those times, and other times as I’ve allowed myself to feel, life is so damn good. Life is so perfect in it’s incomplete, messy, inconsistency. Life is glorious. Though everything seems to be out of place to my rational mind, I’ve come to realize, I’ve never known what it means for things to be in place. And that very thought, the fact that I think I know the why’s and how’s of what my life is supposed to be, is the one that stops me from seeing how truly exquisite life is. But it’s there. It’s all there. Just there waiting to be seen and felt and heard. Just waiting to let you in on its secrets.

Life is so damn good.