A letter to myself

Dear Liz

It's been a while since we've talked. Much too long. I know you've got a lot on your plate but... I'm writing to you because you have stopped taking my phone calls and are ignoring when I try to talk to you on Facebook or text you. I even succeed at keeping you awake at night but you still won't listen to me. I don't know why you're ignoring me but it has got to stop... I have some things to say.

The thing is, Liz, you were supposed to be graduating this semester and starting you're life and doing wonderful awesome things. Entering the real world. Applying to grad school programs and the Peace Corps and biking across America and taking advantage of the "prime of life". You're single! You're 20 years old! No ties to anyone! You can make your life anything you want it to be! And go wherever you want! So why did you post-pone graduation? Why stop when you're so far ahead?

Are you afraid? Afraid of what? You've planned your life over and over. You were going to go to Romania and work in an orphanage. You were going to apply for Teach for America. You were going to do the AmeriCorps. You know whatever you end up doing, you'll be fine because you work really hard at things you're committed to. So why are you afraid?

Is it the commitment? Are you afraid of committing to something? Oh, so maybe you're afraid of making the wrong choice... I see. But, Liz, is there really a right or wrong choice in the matter? Isn't life about doing things? Making mistakes and learning? Do you honestly think whatever you choose will be the wrong choice? Won't everything just work itself out in the end? Being afraid is silly. Honestly. Maybe you just need to pick something and go for it and stop over-thinking everything. You cannot predict the future no matter how hard you try so give it up. You know you don't believe in making decisions based off of fear. Fear is to be acknowledged but shouldn't rule your life, Liz. Don't let it push you around.

So now you're staying in Provo for another year. Do you really want to do that? Weren't you just complaining about how much you don't like Provo? Wait... you can't tell me you actually like it now? Really, Liz? You like this place? Why? Stockholm Syndrome? I mean the mountains are great, sure... And school is pretty awesome... I know you like school. You're such  a nerd, Liz. But honestly is that a good reason to stay? Plus it doesn't even have good pizza! Ok, so the Mexican food is better here... And Salt Lake is pretty cool. And you're doing pretty well for yourself as far as making connections goes... But pizza, Liz! You know pizza in New York is better. Plus, don't you miss the dairy farms? Provo is too big for you! Yeah, I know you've learned how to use the bus system. And you can bike everywhere you need to go so you don't have to worry about buying a car and all the crap that comes with that... Provo is pretty nice that way... You would definitely need a car to go back home... you hate the thought of buying a car...

Ok, Ok. So you like Provo. Whatever! You'd like anywhere you stay! I know you pretty well and once you commit to something you end up liking it or finding the good parts in it. But still, Liz, come on...

Also, I know you've been going to school year round and working and researching and have an internship... You're probably burnt out and need a break. But think! If you just pushed yourself one last semester you could be done!... Maybe that would be too much though... That would be really hard. But one more semester seems like such a waste...Yeah I know last semester really kicked your arse but you can do it right? ..... right?

But then again you haven't applied to any grad schools... And what would you do this summer if you graduated? Find a job? Where? Go back home? But you want to go somewhere new... You can hardly get a job with Psychology degree anyway.... So you'd be stuck for a while. Unless you started seriously thinking about a volunteer program, in which case you'd have to pick one like right now. Like stop reading this and go pick something. Or you could bike across America. That's definitely an option. But you need money to do that. And a new bike... though that sounds awful lonely. But that's ok, Liz, you're really good at being independent.

I guess if you did stay in school you could take that art class you always wanted to take.... That would be cool. And you could actually take advantage of how gorgeous Utah is and explore a little more... And you could do some more research studies which is super lame but I know you like that stuff. I guess it wouldn't be a terrible thing to graduate later. Plus you have friends here. Of course, you have friends and family at home too. And your dog is at home... Think of your dog, Liz.

Anyway, my point was.... wait what was my point? Oh yeah. Graduate already!.... but then again.... maybe that's not a great idea... Yeah never mind... Pfft. I have no idea. I tried to be the voice of reason but noooo. You had to go and make everything all complicated and think everything through. Way too much. You know what your problem is? You think way too much, Liz. You have plenty of other problems too but I won't even get into those. And I doubt I've even written half of what's going on in your head. Good luck trying to figure this stuff out. You're gonna need it.

I'm sorry. I would probably ignore me too.

Sincerely

Liz