How a hot ice skater did not fall in love with me

Last winter, I took an ice skating class. For only having skated a dozen times in my life, I was pretty good. Sure, the only way I could stop was to run into the wall or simply let the speed decrease on its own by taking a lap, but if you needed someone to skate really fast around the rink and didn't care if she ever stopped then I was definitely your girl. Ok, so maybe I wasn't that good. But, I was good at never falling. I think I fell once that whole semester.

At first glance, this may seem like a really good thing. Not falling is a good thing right? Who likes to fall on hard, cold ice and get your pants all wet from ice shavings and risk embarrassment from falling again when you try to push yourself up the wrong way? Especially when you could get really hurt...  If you don't fall, that means you're better than all the suckers who do fall! At least that's what I tried to tell myself.

Being idealistic, conscientious, and extremely competitive with myself, I had a vision entering the class that I was going to be able to do jumps and spins and those axle things by the end of it. I would work so hard and I was going to be so cool. And every time we would have some ice skating activity, I would show everyone up. And then a hot ice skating guy would fall in love with me and we would skate to "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic and live happily ever after and have ice skating children and live in Alaska and...

This did not happen. Why? Because I'm afraid of falling. So afraid, in fact, that I could hardly do anything. It wasn't like I had never before fallen either. I fell plenty of times and none of those experiences were terrible or life-threatening or embarrassing or otherwise decapacitating. And yet, while trying the simplest of jumps, I was terrified. It was a constant battle to get myself to try new things which often presented itself in a look of deep concern on my face that my instructors took to mean that I was sick or something. Needless to say, I did not get much better. And no guys fell in love with me. At least, not because my stellar ice skating ability.

The problem with the fear of falling, besides no ice skaters falling in love with me, is that it is directly in opposition to being bold. What do I mean by that? Olympic skaters. I think we all can agree that Olympic ice skaters do incredible things. Yet often, we forget what it took to get there. They have fallen literally thousands of times. Some of them get seriously injured. They have experienced much worse falls than any average person. And yet, they are greater than any average person and achieve something beautiful, that is not often reached. Being bold is taking risks. Being bold is stepping out of your comfort zone. Being bold is acknowledging and embracing the potential of falling.  Being bold is to accept your vulnerabilities and show them to the world. Being bold is not being safe, but putting everything on the line in pursuit of something greater than yourself.

Being afraid is to shut oneself away and forever give up the potential of creating the most beautiful of experiences.

I think the best people have also been the worst. They have experienced both sides of the board: the most terrible of falls and the most perfect successes. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Falling is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it is only through falling that we can reach something greater. I could easily be wrong, but as a person who chronically fears falling in almost every aspect of life, I know playing it safe does not work. Allowing myself to step out of my comfort zone and to persevere even when I know the result could be the worst experience of my life, can result in the most beautiful and most remembered experiences... even after terrible falls. Being bold can apply to any part of your life. Being bold is telling someone you love them when you don't know if they feel the same way. Being bold, is applying for that job you've always wanted even though it doesn't pay as much. Being bold is saying you're sorry and admitting you were wrong. Being bold is trying something new. Being bold is defying norms for something you believe in. Being bold is working hard even though the end result may not be what you want. Being bold is facing what you are most afraid of. Being bold is trying.

This is an imperfect philosophy, but I really think the best artists, inventors, athletes, lovers, givers, chefs, etc etc etc, got that way because they are bold or took a chance in life that may have ended in tragedy rather than success. That is not to say that every person who is bold will end up the best in the world. But I am saying, or at least trying to say, by being bold, you have the opportunity to live to be something greater. And that's what I want: to be greater than I am now.

I also want to be this girl.