What I do at the mall

 Malls are fun. There's fun things to try on and never buy, really greasy food, and, most importantly, dozens of people to watch. Normal people, weird people, tired people, efficient people, people with relationship problems, rebels without a cause, bored cashiers, people trying to sell you things.... the list goes on and on. And the stuff you can do while people watching is endless.

Typically when I go to the mall, I'm the one watching other people but today, I was the weird person at the mall. I was the person people were watching, trying to figure out my motives. I even caught the gaze of people who were not invested in people watching.

See, for my sociology project I have to take pictures of commodified space, like a mall for instance. This mall in particular is structured to make you feel like you're outdoors, using natural lighting, real trees, and store fronts made to look like buildings, etc. Anyway, since I don't have a car I had to bike there and of course I dressed in my biking spandex which makes me look like a lame superhero. And I kept my helmet on because I didn't want to lose it. So there I was, in the mall, dressed head to toe in spandex, wearing a helmet and taking pictures of store fronts and the ceiling.

It was after catching a confused look from a couple who had been previously been making out that I decided to have a little fun. Instead of casually taking pictures like a person asked to do so for a research paper, I went undercover, hiding behind plants and dashing to and from hiding spots like a spy or an undercover agent or a private eye or a very childish college student wearing spandex.

What did I accomplish from my endeavors? I got plenty of stellar pictures (and plenty of blurry ones as I tried to take them mid-sprint), made a couple people laugh (including a pretty hot kiosk guy that was selling remote control helicopters) and I accidentally broke the lens protector off my camera. Was it worth it? That has yet to be decided by figuring out how long the warranty lasts on my camera. But other than that, it totally was!

Contrast

I’ve been writing little pieces of this idea for a long time and have mentioned it several times in previous posts. It’s certainly not a new idea by any means and it’s been written about before by many, many people and I’ve read many of these works myself. But there’s something about trying to formulate an idea for yourself that makes everything mean so much more… So here it is. It all makes sense in my head so I hope it can be bloggified in a way that isn’t totally confusing. I just don’t feel like putting a ton of effort into this. And by that, I mean I don’t want to have to worry about trying to make it so everyone understands what I’m saying because that’s really hard to do and I don’t feel like defending my thoughts. I'm a lazy pretend philosopher when it comes to blogging.

Anyway, so contrast. Here’s what I’m thinking.

Some of the greatest stories of love and forgiveness, of achievement, or simply of being an exceptional human being, come in the light of extreme sorrow, suffering and adversity. Why then are we so opposed to adversity? Why then do we try so hard to get rid of sorrow or depression or hate? We automatically assume that these things are inherently bad. But what if they’re not? What if they are opportunity for something greater? What if they are simply part of the experience? To be acknowledged and felt and accounted for? Not to be whisked away because they're uncomfortable. What if it’s only through this contrast that we are able to feel otherwise? Hate could never exist if there was nothing to love. And I don’t believe you could ever truly love if there was never any risk of losing it, or of hating your beloved, or of suffering to the extent that you love.  They give rise to each other.

Take for example the story of Corrie Ten Boom: survivor of the holocaust after hiding Jews in her house. After experiencing the horror of multiple concentration camps, after losing hope multiple times, after losing her sister, she still persevered. If that wasn’t incredible enough, she talks about her experience with a former Nazi guard that asked her to forgive him for the things he had done to her. And she said that in her mind she couldn’t forgive him and she hated him and there was no way she could ever see him as a human being. And yet, out of her hate and out of her faith and with God, she was able to do it. How remarkable is that? Yet, if she had never experienced what she had, this could have never happened. If she had not hated, she could have never forgiven. One cannot exist without the other. Here, Corrie was given an opportunity through her hate and through her experience to rise above and feel and give one of the greatest gifts we could ever ask for.

I mean, this kind of dialectic is found everywhere… In our understanding of good and evil, of right and wrong, of true and false. These kind of dichotomies are a world view that we have adopted. And they aren’t necessarily true or a good way of classifying the world because we need the wrong to know what the right is or the evil to know what the good is… Or think of colors. You could never know what white is, if there was no black.

But here’s where the problem with this idea come for me. If we cannot have joy without suffering, should we ever try to get rid of suffering? Think of social work policy for example. I think everyone agrees that preventing child abuse is a good thing. I certainly do! But what does that mean for this idea of contrast? If suffering is an opportunity, then should we ever try to take that away from someone else? Or should we just say, “hey yeah I know you’re being abused and it sucks but this is a great opportunity for you!”…. yeah, that’s not working for me. And what does it mean for other, bigger conflicts? When people are ravaged by war, or poverty, or whatever, should we stop it? Or is that the opportunity to do good? By stopping it?

My worry is that, especially in social policy, we try too hard to reach a stasis, or place where suffering and bad things can’t happen to people and everyone has the services they need and don’t have to worry or go through really bad things. It makes logical sense that we would want to do that but I don’t believe that’s even feasible or a good thing. But, implicitly, that’s what programs are aimed at. What does stasis mean? It means there is no contrast… That there is no possibility to feel happy because there is no possibility to feel bad. Are we then taking away the opportunity to live a richer life?

This is obviously over-simplified and generalized and I’m sure I’m missing something… I’m just not sure what that something is yet or how to find it… And I'm simultaneously picking apart everything I wrote because it's not a sound argument and has plenty of holes and places to be filled in. But, on a less serious note, today I made two pieces of toast. The first one I left in the toaster too long and it burned really badly but since I hate wasting food I tried to convince myself it wouldn’t be that bad. But it WAS that bad. It was disgusting. So I had to make another piece and let me tell you... that second piece was the most delicious piece of toast I’ve ever tasted…

Welcome to my brain, internet. Haha.

Some chocolate covered delicacies and some unclear philosophy

I’ve felt for a long time that I’ve been on the brink of something big. Something important… like a serious change or some random event like winning the lottery. I don’t know what this something is or if there even is a something…. But I feel a something. Whatever that means.

I’ve expressed before how I feel like two people. Like I’m one person on the outside and totally different on the inside. Like a chocolate covered cherry… except I don’t think I’m that delicious. Maybe more like… a chocolate covered bug. Because they seem pretty normal from the outside but only people with a select palate actually like eating them.  And I’m perfectly ok with being a bug because I would totally eat a chocolate covered bug. Heck, I’ve eaten several non-chocolate bugs largely due to my tendency to never back down on a challenge or my willingness to weird things for a small sum of money. No prostitute jokes please.

Anyway, this two person thing is like I’m this chocolate covered bug on a plate of chocolate covered cherries. I’m just pretending to be a cherry and for all intents and purposes I am a cherry: I look like a chocolate covered cherry, I’m with chocolate covered cherries, I act like a chocolate covered cherry, and sometimes I actually believe I’m a chocolate covered cherry. That is, until someone tries to eat me, then, unless they like tasting bug guts instead of the cherry they were expecting, the game is up. And suddenly I’m confronted with the gap between what I wanted be and what I actually am. A big, terrifying gap that really shouldn’t be there.

Once in a while, when I’m feeling brave, I’ll acknowledge the gap. I’ll consider building a bridge over it or sewing it together or go exploring down it. But I only go as far as I don’t get hurt. At the first sign of the acknowledgement being difficult or unsure in anyway I abandon the project and continue pretending to be a chocolate covered cherry.

But this time, I don’t think I’m going to abandon it. For the first time in literally years I’ve really felt what I feel. I’ve been afraid of it, frustrated by it, hurt by it. This whole process is like stepping into the dark and all I have to hold onto is faith that this will end up ok. That by stepping into the gap, even though I can’t see the bottom, I won’t literally die. I might figuratively die but I think that would be ok. 

I can’t really explain how lost I feel and yet how utterly found I am. Lost because I’ve abandoned control (which I endlessly covet) and found because whether this is good or not, it’s where I need to be. Found because as I’ve stepped into the void, all I’ve had is faith to keep from turning around. Faith that I’m doing what I’ve been asked to do.

It’s so much easier to deny the existence of something that hurts you than to acknowledge it and accept it and welcome it. It’s easy to avoid feeling pain in order to save oneself. But in the process we deny the experience of it and we deny the meaning of it and we deny ourselves the possibility to feel anything other than an emptiness. I don’t think we can ever really understand the meaning of anything good in the world without accepting and even embracing its contrast.

I think for the first time, I’m actually understanding what I’ve known in my mind is true, because I’m coming to know it in my heart. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. Like when your hands have gone numb from the cold for a really long time and they start to thaw. Sometimes it’s really tempting to stay outside because you know how bad it will hurt to come back in. But I don’t think I can be outside any longer. Just like I can’t pretend to be a chocolate covered cherry any longer.

....

I’m really tempted to abandon this chocolate covered cherry analogy because it assumes people can’t change who they are and I whole-heartedly don’t agree with that idea. And I’m disappointed I don’t have any chocolate covered cherries to eat right now because they always sound delicious. That's all I have to say.

Vegas and some other thoughts

This is a very informal commentary of some of my thoughts while I was in Las Vegas. **Disclaimer: I’m making some broad statements and arguments that are based off of first impressions and not deeply researched. **

I’m also not sure why I included a disclaimer as this is an informal blog… It’s probably the academic in me screaming to put some citations in here to make my point seem legitimate. It’s also the academic in me that’s telling me not to post this as it’s poorly written and does not have a clear theme and could argued much better. Funny how that is.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about contrast… like right and wrong, good and evil, suffering and joy, true and false. And with that I’ve come to some interesting ideas that I hadn’t ever really considered before or am very sure about now. I hope to follow this post with a clearer explanation of what I mean but that may prove difficult as I'm not really sure what I mean.  Anyway, I went to Vegas to present a study at a conference and I was with some truly great people and could’t have asked for a better experience. Except, it would have been better if I was 21. No, not so I could gamble, but simply for my pride’s sake because the running gag of the trip was how I was too young to be there and needed to be babysat. For the record, I am an adult.

Though slightly annoying at times, I was grateful for my older more experienced counterparts for being able to show me the really awesome parts of Vegas. While we exploring the strip, I was struck by the beauty of some of the structures there. The architecture of the casinos was truly incredible… as were the gardens, and the fountains, and the sculptures, and the food.  The Venetian, the Bellagio, Caesars: all costing billions of dollars to create and maintain. I found them breathtaking and was truly impressed by what man could create.  It was the epitome of commodified space. Everything created there was intended to make people feel a certain way. To make people feel as if they had no limits and like they could live life like a king or queen.  Every earthly pleasure could be provided. It’s obvious the problems that kind of promise would create but at the same time here was the fulfillment of the promise…. For some.  

While standing in some of the most expensive buildings I’ve ever been in and in awe of how much it must have took to create them, literally feet away from me were people who had no homes… People who had no place to stay at night. And lining the street were the “clickers” (named for the clicking sound they made to attract attention) handing out flyers of naked women offering their services. While at first I was disgusted by what they were promoting, it quickly became apparent that my first impression was false. It’s not that these people believed in prostitution and were promoting the trade as part of a sick obsession. It’s not that they were out to exploit people or to make money...  I mean someone somewhere was, but these were not them. It was they who were exploited. My best guess (and a pretty reasonable one) is that they were illegal immigrants and this was the only job they could get. And here they were, right in the shadow of some of the grandest buildings I’ve ever seen. In the shadow of people here to spend ridiculous sums of money to live the “high life”.

And it’s not only the homeless, it’s the waiters, it’s the street cleaners, it’s the card dealers, it’s the performers. Here, where the promise is perfection, the question is perfection for whom? And at what cost?  

I’m not going to lie… it sickened me... And presented me with a conflict.

Here I was, myself poor and in Vegas for educational purposes, looking to have a great time in the limited time I had. And I thought it was beautiful and I was – I am – impressed by what people can create. Yet, I can’t help but ask myself, is it ok to create when the price is this high? When the price is the lives and well-being of other people? Is it ok for me to support that?

Looking at the “wonders of the world” or some of the truly great pieces of art and architecture, this has been a long standing question… Great cathedrals, pyramids, castles, empires…  When were these things made? Many, if not all, were created in times of great inequality with a high cost from the lower classes. We admire these creations and hold them in high esteem and yet do not consider why and how they got there. Is the achievement of man-kind greatness or is it exploitation?

I realize I’m making some broad assumptions and that my argument could be researched and analyzed in a scholarly way. I realize there are many other factors that play a part in the phenomena I’m discussing. I realize that there are other reasons for such inequality. But to be fair, while the limos drive by and men in tuxes gamble away thousands, win big and buy expensive food, right outside the door there are those who have nothing.

Is that ok?

How I did not find love in the tunnel to hell

When I was a freshman, I was in love with a boy. And by that I mean, he was really hot, I knew nothing about him, and I would do anything to impress him.

One night I was on a walk with him and a group of friends down a local trail. It was a very romantic evening. Calm, with a soothing, warm breeze playing in the air... if only me and boy-I-was-in-love-with were alone. It was as I foolishly wished this that boy-I-was-in-love-with turned to me and said very seriously "I've always wanted to go in one of those". He was pointing at a storm drain that look something like this:

 

I knew then what I had to do. I put both hands on his shoulders, looked him squarely in the eye, and said "Let's do this" with a determination Indiana Jones would be impressed with. Boy-I-was-in-love-with was surprised. Looking back, I don't think he ever really wanted to crawl through a storm drain, but at the time, this seemed like a brilliant idea. My enthusiasm, the late hour, and the naiveity of our freshman souls made the rest of the group easy to convince. And so we donned gloves and other adventure gear to make the perilous trek through what may have been a tunnel to hell. 

There are many things I could say about the tunnel to hell. I could talk about it was really hard to breathe because it was filled with dirt that we kicked up while crawling. I could talk about how every sound we made was a million times amplified. I could talk about how there were a million things on the bottom of the tunnel that were poky and might have been human bones or tetanus-filled metal objects. I could talk about how I was shaking out of excitement because of my stupid spontaneity. I could talk about how multiple people in our group voiced concern but I told them to stop being pansies and grow a pair. But in reality, a large portion of my brain was devoted to figuring out the odds of water suddenly rushing down the tunnel, drowning us all and making it so no one would ever find us. While logic told me not to be stupid as this would probably not happen, fear told me logic had failed from the beginning because I was crawling through the tunnel to hell which was certainly not logical.

Over time, as the oxygen seemed to decrease and I started drooling from holding a flashlight in my mouth, I reached a point where my fear subsided and I was calm. If I died, it would be ok because I was being adventurous. I was facing fear and spitting in its face. I was on a quest for true love! And if I paid the ultimate price, then so be it!

It was as I reached this mindset that I heard a troubling noise: no noise. My group had evidently stopped and I had not. As quick as a sloth, I turned around and crawled desperately towards the entrance. I don't believe my knees have ever recovered from the ferocity of my crawling. Adventurer I may be, but there was no way I was going to crawl to hell by myself. 

I finally reached the beginning of the tunnel. Evidently a girl in our group had become too frightened and had to turn around... And to my dismay, it was boy-I-was-in-love-with who was comforting her. It was also boy-I-was-in-love-with who gave her a piggy-back ride home and it was also boy-I-was-in-love-with who took her on a date and now boy-I-was-in-love-with is going to marry this girl. 

Apparently, being spontaneous and courageous and adventurous and daring and stupid and trying to fulfill and life-long wish, is not the way to get a guy. Apparently, being afraid, is. Apparently, crawling down a tunnel that probably led to hell or at least to a sewer is not very romantic, but needing a piggy-back ride home is. Apparently, being me was not the right call. I should have been this other girl.  This is why the name of boy-I-was-in-love-with has a "was" in his name. 

I will probably never understand men. 

No, not the city, the commune... and some utopian rope sandals

This is a commune. 

http://www.eastwind.org/

It's pretty cool. I especially like this line in its description:

“East Wind may not be Utopia yet, but we’re getting closer”

They’re probably near utopian status because of the peanut butter they make. It is so delicious. Or maybe it’s the Utopian rope sandals made from leftover rope from their hammocks that make it utopian. Or maybe because it’s a clothing optional, organic commune that’s dedicated to nonviolence and a peaceable, connected, meaningful lifestyle. Probably the peanut butter.

For my Urban Sociology class we had to research a commune and write about it because communes are the anti-city. Classic sociological literature by Tonnies and Simmel on the city says the city is bad for the human soul. Basically, the city creates amoral, unemotional, disconnected society where we all are cogs in the industrial machine called capitalism. The meaning of life is destroyed by us favoring science over religion, and our heads over our heart, and by turning the world into a giant arithmetic problem to be solved. We erase the possibility for intimate relationships by concerning ourselves only with the unmerciless question of “how much?” and feeding off the blasé touch-and-go atmosphere of city life. None of us matter to each other.

This is some pretty heavy stuff.

So communes are supposed to be bring us out of this kind of life. To put us back in touch with nature and our true selves. To move us back to intimate, small town communities. To help us live in balance with others and with ourselves. No longer will we be controlled by a higher power, but we will live meaningful, dedicated lives because we do our work for ourselves and we live to bring help and uplift each other.

Sounds pretty great right? I thought so. I thought, and still think, it would be awesome to visit a commune. Who doesn’t like nut butters and rope sandals? The only problem is that the philosophy behind the creation of communes is completely anti-everything I believe in. And by that I mean, the premise is behaviorism.

The communes created in the 60’s and 70’s are all based off of B.F. Skinner’s book Walden Two where he purports the way to create perfect people is to create the perfect environment. For those of you unfamiliar with Skinner, he is a radical behaviorist. I.e. he believes a person’s behavior can be controlled by controlling the stimuli in his environment. This is a pretty accepted idea in our culture as seen by our love of giving people rewards for doing what we want and punishing those who don’t do what we want, but ultimately it’s a problem.

The problem with this deterministic view of humanity and a problem with the ideals of an intentional community like East Wind, is the issue of meaning. If the idea is to create an environment where peaceable, egalitarian, and conscious behavior can be induced, how is it that this lifestyle is any more or less meaningful than the capitalistic rat race? Either way, whether a person is raised in a commune or a city, their behavior is not their choice but a product of the environment. Without choice, there is no meaning because there is no alternative behavior to reject or free will to reject it. Though the attempt to create a utopian society is a rejection of the ideals of capitalism, ultimately each individual’s behavior is induced or constrained by his or her environment and there is no free-will as people are simply cogs in a different machine. It could be argued that regardless of the issue of free-will, living in a society like East Wind is simply better than that of a city. However, if people are equally determined by their environment in both settings, how can one be more meaningful than the other? Even if the ideals of a commune are “better” than those of the city, couldn’t it be argued that we only think so because of our environment and the values our environment upholds?

Though the philosophical flaw is not a direct problem that communes face, the effects of it are. People in communities striving for utopia still experience problems of meaninglessness. Some still desire something better and some simply cannot or do not want to live up to the standards of the society even though it is the “ideal”. Some still feel trapped and do not have anywhere to go and there are disagreements. Furthermore, though East Wind works hard at being self-sufficient and separate from the capitalistic world, the fact of the matter is, they’re not. In order to stay afloat financially and provide a comfortable lifestyle for its members, they have their own factory to produce nut butter and rely on outside vendors for supplies. They buy clothes from stores outside of their community and they sell their products to the outside world. Yes, they are natural, organic products, but they are products that are sold to make money for their own cause like any other capitalistic business: they just fill a different niche. In the words of Georg Simmel, “Money is concerned only with what is common to all… it reduces all quality and individualism to the question: How much?”. Ultimately, East Wind has not been able to escape the rest of the world, and is in fact dependent on it.

This is not necessarily a bad thing however. Even though East Wind faces the same kind of problems those of us in the capitalistic world face, those who are committed to the work and their values find it meaningful, much like we, who are supposedly constrained by society, find our lives meaningful. Though radical behaviorism is the premise for their attempt at a utopian society and though is fundamentally flawed, when considering what it means to live a “meaningful” life, some members of the society have managed to find what they were looking for: the makings of an earth-friendly, nonviolent, and accepting community that provides a full and significant lifestyle that Tonnies and Simmel would approve of.

So what's my point? I don't know... I have too much to say on the matter. I like peanut butter, and I like sandals, and non-violence and I like that people have found meaning in their lives. And I'm immensely curious about what it's like to live at East Wind. I also like cities. And I dislike behaviorism. And I don't believe in utopia. 

But if you offered me free peanut for the rest of my life, consider me B.F. Skinner's greatest fan and sign me up for a commune.

This is going to be legen - wait for it - DARY!

I am jobless.

And it's driving me insane.

I have this beautiful block of time every morning that would be perfect for a job and I've applied numerous places but I strike out every time.  I don't know what it is... am I ugly? Do we not have the same interests? I'm looking for a long-term thing here not some one-semester stand where I never call again... Maybe it's because I just got out of my last long term job. Can they tell I'm still not over the Cannon Center? It was a hard relationship toward the end there, but I'm still a capable lover, er, worker! For the record, I broke up with the Cannon Center. They still wanted me! I can't even seem to score an early morning custodial position... and those are like the whores of on-campus jobs. They'll literally take anyone. I just don't understand.

Because I've been jobless, I've spent a lot of time watching How I Met Your Mother (which I now believe may be the best show in existence) and living vicariously through the characters. It was while I was doing this in the wee hours of this morning that I had an epiphany. Why not use Barney Stinson's tactics to hook up with girls as a strategy to get a job???? It's perfect! Seriously. This is how I imagine it's done:

1) Suit up

This is a no brainer obviously. Look nice all the time. Unfortunately for me, this requires a dramatic change inn wardrobe as I typically wear jeans and a generic black t-shirt. But here's the thing: Everyone loves a suit. Everyone. “Suits are full of joy. They’re the sartorial equivalent of a baby’s smaile”. True story. So look good all the time, just in case. Even when you go to bed, it’s a good idea to wear suit pajamas.

2) Be awesome

Talk about yourself. A lot. Tell everyone how awesome you clearly are. No questions about it. Be shameless about it. Even lie about it because it increases your awesomeness. “In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.” Replace your shame gland with pure awesome. Have a job interview? Be confident and talk about how awesome you are in your awesome suit with awesome past experience in the jobs you’ve never before that you’re lying about to be even more awesome. Yeah. Do it. 

3) Try

The truth is, Barney Stinson fails a lot. But, he makes up for it by scoring more than any human should. Because the fact of the matter is, the more you try, the more successes you'll have. I think it's season four episode 22 when they calculate Barney's "batting average" and find out only about 1.2% of the women he hits on actually sleep with him. Yet he's slept with over 200 women. Yes. Over 200. How is that possible? He hits on a ton of women. So. Moral of the story, apply everywhere and someone will eventually sleep with you. Or offer you a job.

4) Find the desperate ones

Barney typically talks about how he tries to score women with low self-esteem and daddy issues. If you're looking for a part-time, student job, this translates to something with a high turn-over rate. They are desperate for employees. Jobs like this are call centers and the like. The thing is, they usually pay above minimum wage and will take just about everyone who applies. I.e. they are hot and easy. If you're looking for something better however, the real rule here is to be exactly what your prospective employer wants. Find their implicit ideals and milk them dry. Do they want someone dependable? Do they want someone who's really intelligent and a problem solver? Solve their problems dependably and talk about how awesome you are at doing it.

5) Manipulation

Manipulate people. Use your charm, creativity, and all-around sexiness to seduce anyone into doing what you want them to do. Pretty straightforward. 

6) Make a video resume

This one is applied directly to jobs. Barney has a video resume which scored him many important, affluent, corporate jobs. It does not say anything about his skills, it just talks about how awesome he is and shows very attractive shots of him doing strange things. This is clearly gold.

7) Acquire unique skills

Barney is an illusionist, speaks Ukraine, Mandarin and Korean, can run a marathon without training, plays piano, can stay under water for 12 minutes, can punch through walls, is adept at juggling knives, is champion at laser tag, is a master of disguise, can guess any price on the Price is Right, always looks good in pictures, and is an elaborate prank creator. All of these things add to your awesomeness and will help you manipulate any situation to your advantage. 

8) Follow the Play Book and The Bro Code. 

For more information, visit http://www.barneystinsonblog.com/category/my-blog/

9) Challenge yourself

Barney frequently takes up challenges presented to him. Typically they involve near-impossible ways to pick up women. Like dressing up like an old man to pick up a woman or wearing overalls to pick up a woman. The point is, challenge yourself. It makes everything much more fun.

Although I am a firm believer in being genuine in everything you do, being as awesome definitely has it's perks and gets you what you want. It is doubtful, achieving that level of awesomeness Barney has achieved is even possible... regardless, as far as the job search has gone, being myself has not panned out. Therefore, I will go buy some some suits and pretend to be thoroughly awesome. 

I think these wise words from Barney pretty much sums it up:

“Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and she’s way too hot for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t. Go get ‘em tiger!”